As someone who has spent much of my life finding value in my intelligence and my successes, there have been some rather difficult things about being an intern with RUF. It is nearly impossible to measure success in this job, and when I try, I often evaluate myself as not being terribly successful. Somehow I have found myself called to a job that very rarely uses my primary set of talents, so there are moments when I struggle to find validation that I am doing well. In this, however, I am seeing great growth in myself; I am learning to believe that I am not my successes. I am doing well if I am working for the kingdom of God and living in light of his calling.
That growth is still trying fairly unsuccessfully to permeate another area of my life--the area where I find great validation in the way others view my successes. That, too, has been a great struggle as I have worked as an RUF intern. As it's not exactly a common job, I find myself quite regularly explaining to people what my job entails, and it is unbelievably disheartening when a person's followup comments or facial expression make it clear that they don't see what I'm doing as a viable job. My need for approval and the value that I place on success clearly make this worse, but it's hard to imagine that there is anyone for whom that would not be a blow to their confidence.
I was talking about this with my lovely roommate Ashley last night, and she revealed to me that she often feels the same way. She graduated in psychology with honors and is now working at the county court. And when people ask her what she does for a living, she always feels like people are disappointed in her. Another blow to the confidence.
Our other roommate Meredith didn't get to participate in said conversation as she is out of town currently, so I can't speak to her feelings on the subject, but she is a college graduate with an animal science degree who is working as a dog groomer. And here is the thing that I admire about dear Meredith: she is not working her dream job, but when she talks about work, it is so clear that she is doing everything she can to make sure that her dogs are groomed excellently. It hurts her when her co-workers do not put in the same effort that she does. She sees her job as important, and she does it to the very best of her ability.
I know the same is true of Ashley. She works very hard, and does her job well. And I believe that says far more about their success and their character than their actual job title does.
None of the three of us is doing what we expected we'd be doing after we graduated from college. None of us has a high-paying, glamorous, respected job. But each of us is serving God's Kingdom through our jobs that are undeniably important, if not glamorous; through the relationships that we have in our workplaces; and through the way they (and I pray I) do our work to the best of our ability.
I have certainly been guilty of making a judgment of someone based on their job title, but I would like to challenge myself along with you, dear reader. Take care that you respect people working in all fields. Their work is important, and if they are working an uncomfortable, low-paying job, they likely deserve your respect all the more. God doesn't bless doctors over McDonald's employees, professors over garbage men, pastors over janitors, or janitors over pastors. Let's take care that we don't either.
Meredith, Ashley, and I will all change jobs someday. None of us plan to do what we're doing permanently. But I pray with all my heart that when we look to our next job, we won't choose based on money or glamor or respect. I pray that we will go where God is calling us to serve his kingdom, and that we will do that work excellently.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Life
Joe Paterno passed away today. This strikes me as a terribly tragic end to a terribly tragic story. It makes me so sad. Partially, of course, because I'm a big football fan, Big Ten football to be precise. But it's so much more than that. It's because a man who was for so long looked up to by so many has gone out on such a sour note. It's because an unparalleled career was tainted by one enormous mistake. It's because this could happen to any of us.
It's very revealing to me that Coach Paterno died so soon after he was fired. Yes, he was ill; yes, he was very old; no, it's not at all surprising that someone in his condition would pass away. But he said it himself; he said that he thought football was keeping him alive. It is so clear that football was his life. Almost 62 years as a coach at Penn State, 46 of those as head coach. A record number of wins, dozens of awards, multiple conference and national championships--these are successes most of us will never dream of. Football, to JoePa, was not just a job and an impressive income. It was his success, his love, his family, his significance. It was, perhaps literally in this case, what gave him life.
And then, in 2002, Mr. Paterno was faced with something that threatened this life. A former member of his coaching staff and a personal friend of his was accused of a terrible wrongdoing. And he was informed. The responsibility to do something about it was put in his hands. And he was left with a terrible decision: would he do what was right, possibly prevent further wrongdoing, and work to bring about justice? Or would he shrink from this in order to protect his job, his career, his life? I have no idea what Mr. Paterno's thoughts were at this time or how he made his decision. All I know is that he went with the bare minimum; he told his supervisor and washed his hands of the situation. He protected himself and the thing that gave him life.
Of course, we know the ending. This decision was instead what ended his career. He lost his integrity in trying to save his world and lost it in the process. It's a tragedy of storybook proportions, all the more so because I get it. There are things in my life that I look to for meaning, and I know with certainty that I have compromised my integrity to keep those things alive. If we're honest, we all have. For me it's usually other people's approval that I seek, at other times it's success, it's relationships, it's personal comfort. It's any host of things that give our lives meaning. And by the grace of God I've never had to deal with such an enormous choice as Coach Paterno faced, but I know without a doubt that I've made mistakes in the name of the things that I love. My goal is not for a second to rationalize what Mr. Paterno did; instead, it is to condemn myself along with him.
Joe Paterno's career took some effort to uphold, and so does my approval from others. But the thing that actually gives me life doesn't ask me to uphold it. It will never require me to compromise my integrity. It will never fail me. And that is my identity as a child of God, bought with the precious blood of Christ. I may continue to make mistakes in the name of my personal comforts, but I pray that every day I'll continue to focus more and more on the true giver of life who will never ever leave me. Amen.
It's very revealing to me that Coach Paterno died so soon after he was fired. Yes, he was ill; yes, he was very old; no, it's not at all surprising that someone in his condition would pass away. But he said it himself; he said that he thought football was keeping him alive. It is so clear that football was his life. Almost 62 years as a coach at Penn State, 46 of those as head coach. A record number of wins, dozens of awards, multiple conference and national championships--these are successes most of us will never dream of. Football, to JoePa, was not just a job and an impressive income. It was his success, his love, his family, his significance. It was, perhaps literally in this case, what gave him life.
And then, in 2002, Mr. Paterno was faced with something that threatened this life. A former member of his coaching staff and a personal friend of his was accused of a terrible wrongdoing. And he was informed. The responsibility to do something about it was put in his hands. And he was left with a terrible decision: would he do what was right, possibly prevent further wrongdoing, and work to bring about justice? Or would he shrink from this in order to protect his job, his career, his life? I have no idea what Mr. Paterno's thoughts were at this time or how he made his decision. All I know is that he went with the bare minimum; he told his supervisor and washed his hands of the situation. He protected himself and the thing that gave him life.
Of course, we know the ending. This decision was instead what ended his career. He lost his integrity in trying to save his world and lost it in the process. It's a tragedy of storybook proportions, all the more so because I get it. There are things in my life that I look to for meaning, and I know with certainty that I have compromised my integrity to keep those things alive. If we're honest, we all have. For me it's usually other people's approval that I seek, at other times it's success, it's relationships, it's personal comfort. It's any host of things that give our lives meaning. And by the grace of God I've never had to deal with such an enormous choice as Coach Paterno faced, but I know without a doubt that I've made mistakes in the name of the things that I love. My goal is not for a second to rationalize what Mr. Paterno did; instead, it is to condemn myself along with him.
Joe Paterno's career took some effort to uphold, and so does my approval from others. But the thing that actually gives me life doesn't ask me to uphold it. It will never require me to compromise my integrity. It will never fail me. And that is my identity as a child of God, bought with the precious blood of Christ. I may continue to make mistakes in the name of my personal comforts, but I pray that every day I'll continue to focus more and more on the true giver of life who will never ever leave me. Amen.
Why?
Look, guys! I'm entering the 21st century and starting a blog! Took me long enough.
Honestly, though, it wasn't until sometime last summer that I even thought about starting one. The idea had, of course, crossed my mind, but never very seriously, for the simple reason that I had no idea what I would write about. Some of my friends would blog about their lives, and that was nice, but usually they were doing something exciting like studying abroad or having babies or saving the rainforest. (Note: to my knowledge none of my friends have yet saved the rainforest. Sorry if I got your hopes up.) My life didn't seem terribly exciting in comparison, and I couldn't imagine anyone except my dear mom and dad wanting to read that. And even if they did, I anticipated it being exactly like every single journal or diary I have started my entire life--full of good intentions and anywhere from 3 to 5 entries. So that didn't seem worth it.
Others of my friends had special talents and they'd blog about those. But again, that didn't seem to be going anywhere. My best estimations at my special talents are being relatively good at linear algebra and doing an abnormal number of crossword puzzles per day. Also not terribly good blog fodder.
But finally last summer I realized what I needed to blog about. See, one of the things that upsets me most in life is the public perception of Christianity, especially as portrayed by the media. I find that Christians are often seen as hateful, hypocritical, irrational, judgmental, and other such particularly un-Christian qualities. And that grieves me. I hate that. I talk about it a lot, I complain about it till I'm blue in the face, but the one thing I've never done about it is actually do something about it. So this is me trying to do something about it. I have no illusions that this will actually do anything to solve the problem; I know that there are many others far more influential than I doing this same thing. I know that it is quite possible that literally no one will read this. And I know that it is very likely that I will get things just as wrong as the image that I'm trying to overcome. But I also know that it's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness, so I'm going to give it a try.
Ok, so I said that I realized this last summer, so why has it taken me till now to actually start it? It's because for a long while I had decided I wasn't going to do it due to a certain sin struggle of mine that I discovered. Here it is: I really like to be right. I almost always think I'm right. So spending time writing and publishing little posts of what I think is right seemed like a rather good way of making that problem worse. After much consideration, though, I have come to the conclusion that this is something that I should do, which is why I want to appeal to you, the reader. (Assuming you exist. Haha.) If you read something I write and think I'm wrong, challenge me on it. Lovingly, please, but do. That's the reason for my little blog title, there. Well, admittedly it's largely due to the fact that I absolutely adore alliteration. (That little bit there was more technically assonance, but I couldn't resist.) But aside from that, it's because I do want to be malleable. I want to stand firm on what I know to be true, but in my opinions, in day-to-day matters, I want to be malleable, open to correction, and constantly getting better. So help me in that, if you please, dear potentially-existing reader.
Well, look, I've gone and broken my only rule of blogging--don't make your posts too long. Alas. I suppose with that, it's on to my first real post!
Honestly, though, it wasn't until sometime last summer that I even thought about starting one. The idea had, of course, crossed my mind, but never very seriously, for the simple reason that I had no idea what I would write about. Some of my friends would blog about their lives, and that was nice, but usually they were doing something exciting like studying abroad or having babies or saving the rainforest. (Note: to my knowledge none of my friends have yet saved the rainforest. Sorry if I got your hopes up.) My life didn't seem terribly exciting in comparison, and I couldn't imagine anyone except my dear mom and dad wanting to read that. And even if they did, I anticipated it being exactly like every single journal or diary I have started my entire life--full of good intentions and anywhere from 3 to 5 entries. So that didn't seem worth it.
Others of my friends had special talents and they'd blog about those. But again, that didn't seem to be going anywhere. My best estimations at my special talents are being relatively good at linear algebra and doing an abnormal number of crossword puzzles per day. Also not terribly good blog fodder.
But finally last summer I realized what I needed to blog about. See, one of the things that upsets me most in life is the public perception of Christianity, especially as portrayed by the media. I find that Christians are often seen as hateful, hypocritical, irrational, judgmental, and other such particularly un-Christian qualities. And that grieves me. I hate that. I talk about it a lot, I complain about it till I'm blue in the face, but the one thing I've never done about it is actually do something about it. So this is me trying to do something about it. I have no illusions that this will actually do anything to solve the problem; I know that there are many others far more influential than I doing this same thing. I know that it is quite possible that literally no one will read this. And I know that it is very likely that I will get things just as wrong as the image that I'm trying to overcome. But I also know that it's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness, so I'm going to give it a try.
Ok, so I said that I realized this last summer, so why has it taken me till now to actually start it? It's because for a long while I had decided I wasn't going to do it due to a certain sin struggle of mine that I discovered. Here it is: I really like to be right. I almost always think I'm right. So spending time writing and publishing little posts of what I think is right seemed like a rather good way of making that problem worse. After much consideration, though, I have come to the conclusion that this is something that I should do, which is why I want to appeal to you, the reader. (Assuming you exist. Haha.) If you read something I write and think I'm wrong, challenge me on it. Lovingly, please, but do. That's the reason for my little blog title, there. Well, admittedly it's largely due to the fact that I absolutely adore alliteration. (That little bit there was more technically assonance, but I couldn't resist.) But aside from that, it's because I do want to be malleable. I want to stand firm on what I know to be true, but in my opinions, in day-to-day matters, I want to be malleable, open to correction, and constantly getting better. So help me in that, if you please, dear potentially-existing reader.
Well, look, I've gone and broken my only rule of blogging--don't make your posts too long. Alas. I suppose with that, it's on to my first real post!
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